About Me

I started @Frumi13 at a time when I felt very broken. I had long hidden from the traumas of my past, relegating them to history. I believed they were over, so now I was immune. I had survived, and now I wanted to live.

I didn't know it at the time, and when things were happy, indeed I was happy too. When the specter of sadness showed itself, its shadow was longer than I could contend with.

Subconsciously my trauma affected my choices and reactions; without awareness, I was living life as a puppet. I didn't understand why I did some of the things I did, and it hurt me knowing I could be better, but I wasn't.

What I believed about myself became the world I surrounded myself with. Out of a crowd of people in front of me, I would see the few who would validate what I already knew about myself.

It wasn't when life was at its worst that the trauma came back to me, but surprisingly, when I had so many of the things I thought I needed.

I was sitting on a beach with more freedom and resources than I ever had, surrounded by beautiful people, in a land far removed from any of my pain. I was happy, I looked happy; my world fell apart.

I let my guard down and for the first time in my life, truly relaxed. It was then that it hit me like a brick and I became immobilized. Paralyzed and a captive to the horror movie that had been my life.

From this oasis of supposed calm, I fell into deep, deep hell. I didn't realize just how much of an unacknowledged burden I still carried. I was aware of the incidents, but I had shut off their emotions.

I had gotten through what I needed to get through, but it wasn't nearly unscathed or even over. I found answers to many questions I had looked for all my life. It was beautiful, but incredibly heavy.

I couldn't take it and wanted to kill myself; returning to a place of stillness, if not grace. I decided to pen down the lessons I had learned in the flames; maybe it would help someone who had lived as confused as me? Maybe I could "save" them even if I couldn't save myself?

As I wrote down my thoughts, I began to see who I was more clearly, and emotion remained turbulent. I felt alone, hurt, shunned, and adrift. Some days I would manage, but on this day, memories became too much to bear.

I looked at myself in the mirror as my gun lay on my desk. The easy thing was to put it to my head and pull the trigger. I wanted to, I almost did, and standing there, parts of me shifted. In what was a moment of new internal dialogue, I knew I had more yet to do.

I thought of all the people like me who felt this alone. Who felt worthless, uncared for, and empty. I wish someone had been there for me. Someone who told me that I wasn't abandoned in my supposed shame, and that we all have a gift to give. 

To me, that someone had been a spontaneous voice, like a light that reigned in the shadows. It didn't seem like my voice, for where had it been all this time, and whose else could it have been? 

I considered myself lucky, and I almost hadn't been. I wondered if others would be afforded the same fortune. So many with felt pain greater than I did, and existed in more dire circumstances; an acceptable loss? Not acceptable to me.

I decided to become this voice, this person, and chose the medium of poetry to share my thoughts, views, and insights. If nothing else, they would know that they aren't alone. Across time and distance, there was someone sitting in the dark with them.

I started with Instagram and then progressed to writing "A Purple Romance". The original book that saved my life, I shelved for another day. Sharing and writing, I received appreciation for my effort and cries of distress. To be seen was expansive, and there was a call for more.

To best support #Frumifam, it was essential to be able to say that I had done all I could to serve. This thought led to my pursuit of therapeutic studies and branched into the Relationship and Purpose Coaching services and workshops I provide. I learnt for me, and I learnt for you.

My presence was a beginning, and when you feel you can, the tools I continue to bring together allow a release of trauma, an examination of possibility, and a co-creation of a plan to get there. Part of the plan is to do it myself, to share my gift, and to show you that it's possible.

Bad things can happen, and we can even participate in them, but that doesn't make us bad. It gives us the choice today and every day to create better.

The world you've always wanted, is waiting for you to come home.

~Frumi